Friday, December 28, 2012

So, the new year is upon us.  2012, what a whirlwind.  I know a lot of people like to recap their year and set sights on what will make the following year better.  And really, I am no different.  2011 was very tough on me, and 2012 was the best redemption I could have had.  It was one of my favorite years.  It even started off wonderful.  I had little to no expectation for New Year's Eve celebrations and it turned out to be one of my favorites, sipping drinks all night with some of my closest friends.  I was on an up and down for what seemed like all year as to whether I should move to NY or not, but after meeting a boy who I am now madly, deeply in love with I felt it a sign to stay put and explore Los Angeles just a bit longer!

And falling in love had to have been the best part of the year.  I had it as a resolution to let love into my heart again, whether it be in the form of friendship or kinship but it came in the best form possible.  I really couldn't be happier, and I am very excited to see what the future holds for us in the next year.  Hopefully more travels, laughs and plenty of kisses. 
One thing I learned this year is to enjoy life more and do my very best to subside stress.  When I was in Paris, I was in awe and marvel as to how at ease most people seemed.  Work was what everyone was doing in between living, not the other way around (the way I think Americans are).  Pleasure, life and enjoyment was a priority and I really want to make it a goal to incorporate that into my lifestyle.  Do more of what will make me happy and explore with enjoyment.  Yes, I will always be a responsible girl who analyzes things from every angle.  But one more cup of coffee, one more drink, one more pair of shoes and a spontaneous trip can do me good.  
My two resolutions for 2013 will be to move to a lovely apartment (something I think will happen in the first few months) and start taking French courses again.  And of course, work on being a better friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister and person.  My impatience can get the better of me in all of those very important roles I inhabit!
Well wishes to all resolutions! xo

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

recent realizations

1.  fresh juice can take me from lethargic to instant happiness.  but none of that fruit juice.  i like the green stuff everyone sticks their tongue out at. 
2.  this is going to sound mega lame or just super cheesy, but walking around DTLA with pizza in hand with the person you love past people waiting in line to get into a club/bar is so much better than being in said club/bar.  i realize this only adds to my grandma nature but i don't care.
3.  who the hell cares about twinkies anyway?
4.  just stay home on black friday.  you don't need any of that crap and you might get trampled to death!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

it happened, deal with it


It's been a week since the election came to a close and I can honestly say I am ready for everyone to shut up.  I don't care who you voted for because, as bratty and rude as it sounds, my guy won and I jumped up with happiness when  I found out that as a woman and poor twenty something-year-old will still have someone in the White House who cares about my well being/future.  I'm ready for my co-workers to stop arguing about his reelection, and definitely ready for the person who sits within ear shot of me to me to stop saying "ah it's happening already!!" every time something bad happens (attributing it to President Obama's reelection).  Seriously, shut up and do some research outside of FoxNews before you start looking up to the heavens for signs that the end of the universe is coming.  Please and thank you, that's all I have to say. 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

recent realizations

1.  Not so much a realization, but a wish that my best friend didn't live in across the country.  It's times like these where I'm looking for a place and she needs another roommate in her apartment that make me wish we weren't living happily so far away!
2.  Los Angeles is an idiot that cannot decide whether it wants to be cold or hot this Fall.
3.  The election has been the best way of determining who actually totally sucks on my Facebook feed.  Really guys, keep that opinionated nonsense to a minimum.
4.  I hate waiting.  Hate, hate, hate.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Monday, October 8, 2012

so, things will never be just so

I think I've written about this before, but often times I feel in such a hurry to accomplish a lot.  I tend to feel like time is running out even though I'm only in my early twenties.  I am a very anxious person in this way.  But I'm really making a conscious effort to be better at going with the flow of things.  The flow of life.  That's not to say that I don't want to put effort or even throw myself into making positive changes (like a new job, apartment, etc.) but I guess to not let the fact that all those things aren't happening at once stress me out so much.  I get very stressed out.  When something wonderful is happening in my life I tend to not allow myself to fully enjoy it, but rather wonder why something that isn't going so well is not going as well as the thing that is.  Wow, that probably doesn't read right.  
For example, my relationship right now is the most wonderful, lovely, butterflies in my stomach fantastic thing right now.  But rather than doing backflips all the time and counting myself lucky for finding someone so wonderful me, I am racing in my mind wandering and thinking things like "Oh, but life would be so perfect if I also loved my job."  This is such a bad habit on my part.  Because really in life things will never be perfect.  One day, I will get a lovely job and then I'll be unsatisfied with the commute, or with my place of living, or something.  The point is, for an anxious person like me there is always something on the checklist.  The list of things that can be improved.  And that is both annoying for people around me and...for me!  It's not easy being anxious.  I know that's silly to say, but really.  This feeling of running out of time or not doing enough and just being all around inpatient with myself and my accomplishments is tough.  And when people tell you to "relax" or "take it easy, you're so young!" it doesn't help. Because learning to be relaxed is something I really can't add to this checklist.  But accepting that this is how I am and might always be and making a conscious effort to take breaks between the madness and just enjoy is something I can add.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Bianca Jagger
Sophia Loren
Pam Grier 
Elizabeth Taylor 
Brigette Bardot

ladies of today have nothing on the babes of the past.

Monday, September 10, 2012

recent realizations

1.  What on earth happened to propriety and just basic decency and respect?  Hearing a guy at the flea market this weekend call girls "snatches" really opened my eye to the extreme level of douchyness that currently exists within my generation.  
2.  A man who surprises you with sweet little treats and gifts is a man worth keeping.
3.  I am officially over the word "yolo".  Officially.
4.  Ladies, stop wearing underwear as outwear.  The world will thank you.  And you will thank me because you won't be freezing.  

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

relationships, delusions & peace


  Life has this very funny way of turning everything upside down, just as you think you have it all figured out.  Upon my return from my New York vacation in May I was absolutely set on moving back East in October.  I felt at home there, at peace with my friends and just ready for a new chapter away from what I thought was my displeasure with Los Angeles.  And then the most unexpected thing happened:  I fell in love.   I fell in love with a boy who I knew had an interest in me for some time, and I entered it thinking "okay, I'm leaving in a few months.  This will be a fun person to have around me for my last summer in LA."  And really, he was.  I knew he was one of those boys who just thrive in the summer.  A boy of summer (no pun intended) which would help me have fun my last few months in a city I felt so done with.  And then, after about our second official date I started to get worried.  Uh oh, this is a good one.  This is one that I don't think I could say goodbye to.  This is one I could see myself changing my plans for.  Of course, there are a lot more factors that factored into it (I figured it might be best to stay put and pay off my student debt, explore new career options here in Los Angeles, etc.), but really all of those were secondary to the feeling of this new found happiness.

At the ripe age of 23 I had officially written off the idea of ever meeting someone that I could see myself really being with.  Sure, I would be open to the idea of dates and stuff.  But really after one very bad, very toxic, and very painful relationship (my previous), I had really given up on the idea that two people can love each other unselfishly and without pain or imposition on the other.  I would see couples in the streets and just assume that they had all kinds of problems and especially when I saw couples fighting in public I would think, "oh god, I'm so glad that's not me."
But, as cheesy as it sounds, now I see that it was one negative experience (one very negative relationship) that was causing all of this anxiety and dislike for the idea of something new.  It is a very crazy thought that falling in love with someone wonderful was the key to me falling back in love with this magical city I was so lucky to be born & raised it.  

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

am i not cool anymore?

I watched this video today and cried of laughter with how much I can relate to these twenty-something year old ladies.  It used to be that youngins wanted to be just like the generation ahead of them.  They would covet what we wear, what we listen to and what we're watching/reading.  But when the hell did every 16 year old become Tavi Gevinson for god sake?!  These days teens and tweens think they have it all figured out.  Listening to Beach House and wearing lace collars with t-shirts.   When I was sixteen, I remember all I wanted was the problems of a 23 year old.  But now I am left wondering, have I have outgrown cool?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

recent realizations

1.  When you like someone a whole lot, you will miss them a whole lot.  Even if you are separated for a little bit of time.  Isn't that somethin?
2.  The word "gaping" disgusts me in any context, any time, spoken by any person.  We need to stop using this word as a species.
3.  It is a fact that if you notice a girls haircut or that she got her nails done she will have an instant crush on you.  This even applies when a four year old boy tells you your sparkly nails are pretty.  Some boys are just heart breakers from the start.
4.  It is really important to listen to what someone has to say when you call them.  I know this is simply a pet peeve of mine because I answer phones as a secretary, but when I tell you where you are calling don't return with the question "oh is this the office of....?"  I just told you what it is the office of, wake up!  Okay, that is all.

Monday, July 9, 2012

I'll never...

I simply loved this post by the wonderful Garance Doré.  I think when I read blogs about fabulous people and their fabulous lives & travels I just assume they are effortlessly perfect.  But oh, it is a good reminder that everyone has traits that they will never possess or characteristics they admire in others that are not part of them.  So, inspired by Garance, here are a few things I'll never:

I'll never be good at expressing my emotions.

Oh, this is something I feel like I am always apologizing for. Although I am a writer, I find it really hard to properly verbalize how I feel about someone or something.  It is something I am constantly working at, especially because I really want those that I love and adore to know how much I love and adore them.  But it is something I always have trouble with.  I never have trouble knowing how I feel, but it's the verbalizing part that is tough.  It almost feels as though I feel such intensity in my gut and heart that words cannot form to recreate the wonder I feel.  Does that make sense?  Oh goodness!

I'll never be without bangs.

Never again, never again shall I go without bangs.  I have had bangs since I was a child.  My mother just loved the look of them.  And then, growing up that made me very self conscious about my forehead.  Even though I have a perfectly fine forehead that isn't very large or very small.  But I do have a widows peak (of course I do, I'm Middle Eastern!).  I tried not having bangs for the first time in my life last year and it was so difficult.  I kept waiting for the point where I would love it, but alas I never did so I went back to being a girl with a face framed by hair.  But hey, that's not so bad.

I'll never be a girl who can turn down dessert.

Nope, it's never gonna happen.  And honestly, I don't want to be.

I'll never stop feeling like I'm not doing enough.

Whether it be taking on more hobbies, looking to further my career, spending more time with friends & family, or working at making my boy happy I always feel like there is more I can do.  I don't know if this is such a bad thing, but I have been told that I am too hard on myself for this reason.  I am only 23, but I am always afraid that I am not doing enough or contributing enough to make life better.  I think I'm just afraid of missing out.

Friday, June 15, 2012

the boy band resurrection

Recently there has been a resurrection of something that makes me so happy, the twelve year old in me is bursting with excitement.  I’m talking about the sweet, sweet comeback of boy bands.  Here’s the thing, when I was a super youngin’ tween, the loyalty to your boy band was serious business.  Personally, I was a Backstreet Boys girl all the way.  I had the charm bracelet with their faces on it (Kevin’s which I cherished most) the stickers all over my lunchbox, and the cut outs from magazines lining every inch of my walls.  Whether you were into BSB, N*Sync, O-Town (hah!), 98 Degrees, Hanson or if you were of previous generations screaming for the Justins and Brians of your day like New Kids on the Block, Boyz II Men, New Edition the Jackson 5 or the Beatles, you know what I’m talking about.  In those years of love and devotion for my favorite boy band, I was convinced I would die without their music and certainly without their pretty mugs to stare at all day. 
And then, suddenly when the mid 2000s hit, these men who had pimply, delusional girls screaming their names started to disappear.  For solo careers, for acting, and some even quit the good life to start a family.  Um, excuse me?  How could you?  And when BSB and NKOTB reunited to create some sort of fused aging, boy band super group, things just weren’t the same.  And not just because they were missing the perfectly groomed brows of my sweet Kevin.  What had happened to the beauty of the American boy band?  And don’t tell me the Jonas Brothers were a boy band for this generation because, really, who on Earth was going to see them? Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty satisfied with my selection of guilty pleasure pop artists today’s culture has to offer.  We have a girl that shoots whipped cream out of her bra, a girl that spills blood from her torso, and a guy that swims to stage on a river of teenage tears of joy.  But nothing taps the depths of a young girl’s heart like a bunch of well choreographed boys whose hair hasn’t come in on their chests yet. 
But finally, the girl who wore overalls and bright pink jellies with a bobble watch can rejoice again:  boy bands are back.  Crazy hormonal girls can scream for the likes of One Direction and the Wanted.  And while I don’t see myself buying any of these perfectly groomed teenager’s albums, I sleep better at night knowing that the young generation of this country has boy bands again.  And really, this is the generation that needed a boy band the most.  My generation had struggle.  Spending hours cutting out pictures, walking to the Ticketmaster to wait in line for a concert that usually sold out in four minutes, recording every television appearance on my VHS.   But this generation has all the resources for obsession, without a lot of the effort.  You don’t need to get paper cuts that comes along with intricately cutting out photos of your beloved.  Tumblr exists now; you can have a virtual room of obsession.  Lines for a concert?  Psh, I don’t even think ticket booths exist anymore.  And you have YouTube!  No more asking mom to tape late night talk show performances because you have a bed time of 9:30pm. 
So thank you, to the sweet genius that realized generations are nothing without a love for boy bands.  I mean, I guess Bieber captures as much love as a boy band would hope for, but he doesn’t have three or four friends that show up to events dressed exactly like him.  And he doesn’t even lip sync.  So does he really have it all?

recent realizations

1.  My heart isn't dead on the inside!  What a relief!
2.  The ghost emoticon on the iPhone emogies is the best emoticon ever.  It really can apply to all situations.  Well maybe not all, but most.  That face will cheer up anyone!
3.  Woah, June gloom is seriously a thing this year.  And it's effecting my morning stretching.
4.  People who think you can't mix black with brown or navy/mix gold and silver together are crazy.  Or they just haven't seen it done right.  

Thursday, May 31, 2012

my love for wes


Yes, I confess, I have a love for Wes.  Okay, sorry I just had to mess with the word play.  But really, I don't think there is a person out there who doesn't love the films of Wes Anderson.  Okay I take it back, I know there are a lot of people who think he is pretentious and solely interested in the visuals of a film rather than natural fluidity.  But I would have to wholeheartedly disagree.  Just listen to him talk about making his latest film "Moonrise Kingdom," and you can hear how genuine he really is about the beauty he produces.  Heck, he even acknowledges that he writes dialogue in a way that has his characters making statements with unnatural but incredibly creative language.  Honestly, I think anyone who ever had childhood imagination or day dreams of running away with a fellow 12 year-old, so as to have adventures with, should see this film.  I simply adored it and deem it the cutest film ever made.  However nothing can knock my beloved "Rushmore" from the top spot of my favorite films list.  After all, that would have to mean me memorizing the dialogue to another film!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

forever a little girl going out

.    . 

Not to toot my own horn, but I like to think of myself as a pretty stylin' person.  I'm not working with a huge budget or endless access to labels, but I make it all work.  I know what I like and stick to classics with an edge.  For the most part, I like everything in my closet.  But that all seems to change when I need to pick out a "going out dress."  You know what that is.  A dress that you would wear on a night you may be doing some drinking and dancing.  Perhaps even a night that you would care to impress a certain gentleman who has only seen you in the pretty light of day.  Yes, that kind of going out.  
Whenever I am in fitting rooms  I always hear friends saying to each other "yeah, that would be cute for going out" or "that is suuuuch a going out dress."  Oh gosh ladies, make me your friends.  Whenever I talk to my girlfriends they seem to have the same problem as I: all the separates I own are BOMB, but all the dresses I have border on little girl/librarian.  Probably not the best look for impressing a mister.  But the problem is that I don't gravitate toward "big girl" dresses.  Oh gosh, the fact that I used the term "big girl" probably shows me all of my problems right there. 
But really.  These "going out" dresses usually cross the line from sultry to suggestive.  And really, this isn't something that I would even think about or care about because when I am darting out the door my girlfriends always say "oh that looks cute!"  But, it is my male friends that give me the hard time.  
It's always the same story with these male friends of mine.  "Katia, you can't wear that you look like a secretary" (I don't think they mean the sexy fantasy kind) or "this is why you don't have a boyfriend," as they point to my hemline.  Well sheesh, I don't know what I'm doing!  Every time I attempt a more grown up, dare I say sexy (oh gosh that work makes me cringe), look it's as though I'm back to being a seven year-old playing dress up in mom's closet.  It doesn't feel right and I certainly feel silly.  
I suppose I'm not too eager to change though.  I know it's not a case where I look bad, I just look sort of silly in a sea of bandage dresses and almost coochy revealing hemlines.  And honestly, I'm fine with it.  I probably will be complaining about this pressure to dress a different way forever.  Just the other day I caught myself complaining about the swimsuit selection in stores these days (but I mean honestly, the swimsuits in the 60s were so much cuter and actually thoughtful of women's bodies!!!).  So in that case, perhaps a conservative dress is what works with my conservative outlook.  Perhaps I will always be the Liz Lemon of the night.  She's not so bad, and she has a good point about the nonsense of going out.  

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

recent realizations

1.  Nice boys do exist.  This has surprised even me, being that I haven't stumbled upon one in ages!
2.  Being creative on your own time can be very fulfilling.  Whether it be writing, painting, photographing or dancing in your underwear--releasing your soul through expression makes you less cranky.
3.  The Kanye album, whenever it drops, is going to be sick. 
4.  People in California will lose their shit in the name of an eclipse.  Seriously, I haven't seen people that excited since-well maybe never.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

recent realizations

1.  Looking at pictures from last night's MetGala is the most fun a girl could have.  Also super disappointed Ye didn't bring his Kim, but that's a whole other obsession not worth exploring.  
2.  Since when did Instagram become a place where people make plans?  Stop commenting people's pictures inviting them to come out and use that phone what it was intended for!
3.  Sometimes, it is best to watch Playoff games alone.  Seriously, once you start fighting with your friends and family about the character of a person you don't even know it's time to take a step back.
4.  Meetings are really boring.  Even when you're given donuts.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

mom blogs and me

My strange addiction isn't to eating cornstarch or collecting dolls or even to French fries (although that doesn't seem so crazy).  My strange addiction is to mom blogs.  Specifically blogs along the lines of Jane (aka Franny), JamesTazaRubyellen, and Danielle.  There are more, but I’m not going to further embarrass myself. 

Okay, maybe it's not an addiction, but I think it definitely says something about me that I prefer reading mom blogs to any other kind of blog.  More than food, movie, or fashion blogs (seriously people, the world has enough fashion bloggers).  I guess my love for mom blogs wouldn't feel so weird if I had anything in common with these people.  I mean I'm not married, I'm not domestic and I'm not a cool, hip creative mom—sorry I mean I’m not a mom.  Period.

 I guess the reason I love reading the writings of these women isn't necessarily because I want what they have (at least not right now girl, I'm a strong single lady), but because they make life look so fun, flawless and inspirational.  These women find time to raise one, two three even four children and are still totally stylin' and crafty.  They have super adorable and creative children, and lovingly supportive hubbies.  It really feels like these are families that belong in the quirky fictional town of Stars Hollow, CT rather than the very real cities of the U.S.   For goodness sake, they find the time to photograph their lives in the most flattering and pretty ways, and they decorate their childrens' rooms with awesome thrifted finds that I have never come across at my local junk shop.  

They make it look so easy.  But more importantly, is they make it look so pretty.  I am a single girl with only myself to take care of and I don't find time to make personalized Valentines or special cakes for certain days of the week.  What’s wrong with me?  These ladies plan, and photograph, each meal meticulously.  I don't know what I'm going to have for lunch in two hours.    They are also the women responsible for my insanely long bookmark list entitled "things to do when have baby" which, now that I think about it, I need to bury a bit deeper so that no man I ever date may happen upon it.

These women are wonder women.  Really, there is no other explanation for it.  When mothers these days struggle to find the balance between work, raising wonderful children, being an awesome spouse and finding happiness within yourself, these women ever so kindly invite readers to read about their everyday conflicts and struggles in their journey.  And they also let you in on the secret that life isn't always glossy with perfect lighting.  Mamas, I know that stuff can't all be fun to deal with, but thank you for sharing it with all of us.  I can't speak for everyone, but seeing messiness makes me feel less guilty for not knowing how to macramé a slipcover for my couch. Sometimes, the only thing keeping me from thinking these women aren't cyborg crafting hybrid stepford wives  is the occasional posts of where they reveal their messes.  Thanks for keeping it real, but also showing that motherhood isn’t a slide into being unhip and rocking Crocks.  It’s really a relief. 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

recent realizations

1.  They don't make classy "clubwear."  I'm going to Vegas this weekend for a birthday, and I'm pretty sure I'll be wearing a librarian's dress when I go out.
2.  Texting does not have the same effect as a love note.  I realized this as I was cleaning out a momento box at my parent's house filled with teenage love letters.  Ah, innocence.
3.  President Obama has so much swagger.  I don't care what your political views are, this is amazing.  
4.  I hate brands that don't abide by the normal size standards.  How am I supposed to learn what size I am in every store I shop?  It's too much for a girl like me!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

the perils of giving up coffee

Three weeks ago I came down with what can be best described as the plague.  Maybe it wasn't the plague, maybe it was (probably).  I'm just saying I felt like death.  In those five days of disaster I had nothing to eat but soup, and nothing to drink but water, orange juice and miracle healing tea concoctions from my mother (don't judge, moms are magic when it comes to curing sickness).  So, post-plague, I thought to myself "oh wow, I haven't had coffee in nearly a week...I can totally just give it up and feel fine."  So I haven't had coffee since March 29.  

There is some back story to this.  I've been cutting a lot of things out of my diet as an experiment to see what is the cause of my adult onset acne (oh the fun of being a lady, apparently this is just the beginning), so I thought why not replace the one and a half cups of coffee I have per day with green tea?  That can't be too hard, right?  You always see radiant ladies, who seem to be glowing in the morning sipping on some mint green tea mug.  

It's not easy.  Anyone who says tea is just as good as coffee is seriously kidding themselves.  Or a granola, Birkenstock hippie--a look I'm really not into adopting.  I've always been of the school that thinks coffee is this magical fairy that creates so many more possibilities that simply don't exist without it.  After I gulp down a cup of coffee I feel... invincible.  Like anything is possible.  Got a stack of work on my desk?  Psh, I'll knock it out in an hour.  Have a friend texting me desperately for advice?  Girl, I suddenly have the skills of a PhD psychoanalyst.  Have a deadline for a story?  Well, you get the idea.  Coffee makes me better.  But now coffee is gone.  By my own doing, yes.  But baby, I miss you so much.  By 2pm I am screaming at the clock to speed up.  I guess green tea has given me some positive noticeable health changes, but dear God at what cost?  I snap at people in the morning, I feel like I'm always cranky, and when I overhear people saying "we should get a coffee" I want to invite myself to be their best friend.    

But, I'm going to stick with it.  Once this fast tops out at a month I'm going to give myself the option of going back to my darling dark brown delight (hold your puns).  I hope I last that long, because the thing about caffeine is that people are constantly pushing their product on you.  There's coffee in the break room, I've suddenly been gifted like 4 Starbucks cards, and whenever I go to my usual coffee shop my barista just hands me a medium coffee (you know, the usual) before I can order my healthy garbage.  Goddamn, the pusher.  

Monday, April 16, 2012

movies i saw recently and liked

With not a lot of good films in theaters, I've been catching up on ones I've been meaning to see.

just a little somethin'


A little piece I wrote on the perils of adulthood was featured on  Honored to be on a page full of funny and smart ladies.  Check it out here!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012



Il est officier! Je suis aller en France et l'Allemagne a mois de Septembre avec ma famille!  Je suis très excité!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

recent realizations

1.  Moving is a drag.
2.  Friends who make friends wait for hours while they try to sweet talk a girl/boy into getting a phone number are not very good friends.  Seriously, cut it out!
3.  When people tell you they're "not a morning person," just listen to them.  Don't say "oh my gosh, why not?  you should try this:"  No.  Just let them be, because you're probably pretty awful at some point in the day too.  At least they've figured out when that point is for them.  So actually, you should be thanking them for the heads up.
4.  I might not be a morning person.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

recent realizations

1.  There's no time like complete family time.  Having my brother in town this weekend made me realize how much I miss our family being together.  It's always the happiest of times.  Except for when my brother still calls me the same names as when I was five.
2.  Mad Men is amazing.  And if you're not watching it, you had better jump on this bandwagon NOW.  Seriously, what is stopping you?  There are handsomes, babes, debauchery, adultery, and the tough social/political issues of the day.  All while everyone looks perfectly polished and dapper.  Something for everyone!
3.  I know most people will disagree with me on this, but I love the way Portuguese sounds.  I watch Adrift last night and fell in love with that language.  
4.  Vacations are just as necessary as hard work in life. 

Friday, March 23, 2012

solo dwelling

As a lady who lives alone, I really loved this article.  I could definitely relate to the speaking French to yourself part!

National Day of Unplugging

There are so many readily available excuses, more so than there were in decades past, I believe because we are so immersed in technology and staying "connected" on some level.  I find myself constantly making excuses for things like not keeping my goal of reading one book a week, or going to yoga everyday, or even writing personalized notes rather than text messages to wish friends & family a happy birthday.  And my excuse is always "I'm too busy," or "Gosh, I wish I could do that!"  But looking at my days, it seems there is one thing that can take a backseat to all of these things that would create a more fulfilling life: unplugging.  I seem to find the time to check my facebook, twitter, daily blogs and news sights everyday, sometimes every hour (eep!), and that needs to stop.  
Now, that being said, I don't think I am the worst of the bunch when it comes to needing to be connected.  Only four months ago did I get a phone with internet capabilities, and I still feel a sense of relief (not panic) when I leave my phone at home for the day.  But it makes me sad and leaves me scratching my head when I see people break out in a cold sweat when their cell phone has been left on their bedside table for the day.  Oh goodness, whatever did people do before this?!
That's why I am very much looking forward to sundown today, when it becomes National Day of Unplugging.  From sundown today to sundown tomorrow I am not going to go on the computer, I'm not going to update any social media platform through my cell phone, and I am really, really going to limit my texting/calls to essentials only.  You see, tomorrow is a big celebration (Persian New Year) so I can't exactly go missing as I will be giving people directions, instructions, etc.  And I really want to keep this "limiting" as something beyond a habit of tomorrow.  It does make me sad when I see so few books crossed off my reading list, or I look at my mostly empty French language work book.  And I have so many pretty stationary sets that sit intact because I rarely write handwritten notes any more.  
I always have thought of myself as an old soul, who really appreciates those very normal and lovely luxuries of the past, like not turning on the television after dinner but sitting with a book.  But I think it's time to really adopt that sort of mindset that translates to everyday.  There's gotta be something to it.  Afterall, the people in my life that I find most interesting and look forward to speaking with are the ones that I can't just check their status update to see what's new in their life.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

recent realizations

1.  I guess this is a realization that has come with growing up, but sometimes things that are will always be.  Stop trying to make something that continually frustrates you change, if you keep failing at changing it.  Sometimes, someone who makes your heart go pitter patter will always make your heart go pitter patter, and it's time to accept it.  Just don't give in to the other nonsense!
2.  Invest in some things, but not others.  Invest in fancy purses and lipstick, but don't spend $22 on a pizza, that's nonsense. I talk a lot about pizza, I know
3.  Life can be really disappointing.  Like when you walk into a show and all the men around you are devastatingly handsome, but as soon as the music starts they start grinding on each other, leaving your straight lady self out of the equation.  
4.  Manicures are important, I don't care what anyone says.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

lazy days

Isn't it true that the most wonderful way to spend a Sunday is in the most lazy of fashions?  Coffee, farmers markets, baked goods, and rolling around in bed.  

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

underwear dancing music

This song makes me so, so happy. And good lookin' fellas in music videos never hurt either, even if they have a little bit of a killer in them.

recent realizations

1.  If you're not being appreciated (either at work, in friendship or relationships) DO something about it.  Sometimes you are so sure that you are going to be recognized for all the hard work you're putting into something, and then poof! no one recognizes it.  Don't complain, just do something.
2.  Kind of on a related note, don't compare your accomplishments or what you deserve based on what other people get.  You should compare against yourself and the work you put into something, not really against what other people are doing.  Just worry about yourself, silly!
3.  Sometimes pizza can be your best friend.  Don't argue with me on this one.
4.  Washing your hair right this minute isn't as important as cuddling with your puppy for a few hours.  After all, he will love you dirty hair or not!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

problems that might not seem like problems

I don't really like to complain about things that bug me about my life out loud, mostly because I worry I will come off ungrateful and like I'm complaining about nothing.  But these crazy feelings of unhappiness aren't going away, so I'm trying to really look at my life and decide what I'm going to do next.  Here's the thing:  I live in Los Angeles, which I normally love but I've grown kind of sick of it.  I feel pretty disconnected from friends that I used to be quite close with and seem to have more "okay" friends than good friends here.  I have people in my life that I love dearly here, and it is really nice to be close to my family, but things here aren't meshing for me and aren't really things that are outweighing all the bad I am associating with where I live.  
I really dislike my job (this is the part where I feel I come off ungrateful).  I know it's a down economy and people are struggling to find good work and I should really be happy with what I have, but I'm not.  I don't know if a lot of people my age are feeling this, but I am.  I still have that crazy young person optimism that I can do something I love and am good at and find happiness in my work.  I know that might fade off, but I really hope it doesn't, because I don't want to be a person whose job is just a robotic motion of everyday.  My job is where I spend most of my days and I don't want to wallow in its unfulfilling nature.  
And this is where my struggle comes in.  I have this option to move to New York in 7 months.  I would move without a job (terrifying), a good amount of savings, but also some (relatively none) debt from college loans.  I also have this really crazy offer to live in Paris for a year with a good family friend.  My rent would be zero dollars.  In France.  But finding a job in France  for Americans is really, crazy hard.  Like almost impossibly hard.  I speak a bit of French, but am certainly not fluent, so I've been practicing a lot and bought a few books to make myself better.  I am exploring the whole teaching English in Paris option but I am not certain if that is what I want to do.  I will be in France in September with my family and that will give me some time to think about it, but God I would LOVE to just move there and figure things out.  It would be the opportunity I have always hoped for.  But, alas, I am a person who likes to plan everything out.  I don't just let things fall into place.  So the thought of moving anywhere and just figuring things out is really scary and too irresponsible for me to process. 
The only option that is completely off the table is doing what I am doing now.  It isn't working for me and it will only make me sadder and sadder.  I wake up every morning dreading to go to work, and when I get to work I feel so sad that no part of my job makes me happy.  I need to pick a new option, but they are all so scary.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

recent realizations

1.  It is really important to do what you love often, in some capacity.  If you can't find a way to do what you love as a career, make sure you find time everyday to do it for yourself.  This really is applicable to all hobbies or passions.  I try to find time to write in some capacity everyday, and more recently I have started to practice my French everyday.  Although I think may neighbors are starting to think I'm crazy because I recite French phrases while doing the dishes with the window open.  Yikes.
2. Please, find time to disconnect.  I know this is going off of one of my realizations last week but really, nothing annoys me more when a friend checks-in everywhere we go throughout the day.  Keep it on the dl!  It gives us all an heir of mystery that we need!
3.  If you don't say thank you to people who open doors or hold elevators for your, you're a jerk.  
4.  There is nothing that will make you laugh more and at the same time be so grateful for what you have than watching old home movies.  It brings a joy about that is unmatched by most any other form of nostalgia.

Friday, March 2, 2012

something that has me upset

As journalists we are taught to remain objective and focused on the story, not the emotion that goes along with it, when reporting.  But as a woman, I really cannot help but feel outrage for the attacks I have seen against my sex in the past week.  In speaking to several other female writers, we are all shocked that the issue of birth control and basic access to women's health services are up for debate in this day and age.  Not only because most women are not divided on this issue, but also because it is coming up during an election year where one would think the economy, jobs, Syria and the nuclear possibilities of Iran would be main talking points.  
I have been watching this issue in the news, twitter, everywhere for the past month or so and wasn't so shocked at what had been going on.  I mean, the things I saw coming out of conservatives mouths were expected.  The things coming out of the mouths of the religious right were expected.  And even the lack of women present at the congressional talks on women's health care was expected (I don't have high hopes for our members of congress).  However when I heard this, there was really no stopping my level of outrage.  Yes, Limbaugh is an accepted crazy person.  He says things that are outlandish, ridiculous, and I believe sometimes just for ratings.  For goodness sake, a man who weighs nearly 300 pounds said First Lady Michelle Obama resembled a "tub of mustard" when wearing a yellow dress.  
This is not a man who deserves any respect.  But it was the context of him calling this girl a "slut" that made me so mad.  In the tape, he continually asks how much sex this girl must be having that she cannot afford birth control.  Anyone who knows how birth control works, knows that that is the stupidest statement you can make.  Whether you are having sex once a month or a thousand times a month, you use the same dosage of birth control (one pill/day, one shot/3months/, etc) and it speaks nothing of your sexual behavior.  And even if this girl was having tons of sex with tons of men, it is really no place of any man, woman, radio host or member of congress to judge.  He continued to shame this woman by saying her parents must be "so proud" that she is admittedly having so much sex she can't afford it.  
The way I see it is women are more at risk in terms of sexual disease than men (that is a fact, based on basic physiology), they have to buy things for their period every month (this stuff is expensive), and have to visit a gynecologist in addition to their primary care physicians each year for a check-up (more co-pays, more tests, more money).  To impose the idea that women who cannot afford birth control shouldn't be having sex is a ridiculous argument.  Almost as ridiculous as teaching abstinence in schools--it's simply not effective and an all around ideological way of thinking.  
But you know what really makes me angriest about all of this?  Is the other group of people they are not asking to testify.  Women should be able to testify at these hearings, but so should men who refuse to wear condoms during intercourse.  Especially if those men are members of Congress.  I think that will quickly shut everyone up and stop this debate over a basic women's right issue.  

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

recent realizations

1.  There's no rush in growing up.  Sometimes I overhear teenage girl conversations and I just want to interrupt them and tell them to slow down, because adulthood isn't all that it's cracked up to be so they should take their time!!  With that being said though, being an adult doesn't mean fun is lost either.  It seems to be a balance, and it's always good to humor your inner child.
2.  Girls need girlfriends.  I've always been a girl to have more male friends than female friends, but my female friendships are always the most meaningful and deep relationships I have.  Plus, I'm lucky to have come across some pretty special ladies.
3.  Woah, coffee is my savior.  I know I've said this before, but seriously.  I will never turn down a cup of fresh coffee when I go to someone's house.  So shut up about that tour and get to brewin!!
4.  People who are obsessed with their cell phones sicken me.  Don't lie, they sicken you too.  I have an iPhone but I'm certainly not in love with it.  Sure it makes things in my life a bit easier and it has some really convenient features, but I still feel relieved when I leave my cell phone at home some days.  Really it's a good feeling.  So put down your phone and talk to your friend that is directly in front of you.  Also, all those times you are texting a dumb boy, there is probably a cute one walking right past you and you didn't even notice.  Ha!
5.  Sometimes insomnia is a good thing.  For example, when I can't sleep I plan outfits for the week.  Sleepy stylist.  

Monday, February 27, 2012

the feeling of groundlessness

I read this column this morning, and goodness did it ever feel like I was the person who wrote in for help.  First read the column, it's good advice.  I've talked about this before, but I feel like this is an issue that needs constant revisiting considering it is something that is facing so many people my age these days.  People who are just leaving, or recently have left, college are starting to feel really lost and displaced.  This is because we started preparing for college in middle school (some crazy people even before that) when it was basically a guarantee that if you go to college you will walk out with a good job offer right away.  Or at least a well paying job that made you feel like getting a college degree did make you more valuable in the job market.  But now, as we know, things have changed.  There is no guarantee, not even for a bad or boring job.  But still, when you're feeling that groundlessness you feel like no one else must have this feeling.  That you are the only one seemingly going bonkers by standing in place.  And you can't really imagine what is going to cure this crazy feeling.

This is what I've been feeling since graduating college.  Where do I go?  What do I do?  Should I take the plunge and move somewhere totally different?  Should I consider law school like my parents have been suggesting?  Am I totally selfish for hating the well paying job I have now? After reading the response to the reader I think wandering is a very good way of somehow settling this feeling.  Wandering will not beg the question "what if??" because one will be experiencing and sampling and trying new things.  However, like anyone I have that fear of failure.  Of trying something new and not being good at it or hating it.  Or even getting there and feeling completely lonely in my decision.  In these situations though I think it is really important to allow fear to disseminate.  Because fear and worry, I believe, is what drive groundlessness.  I mean, yes it is very easy for friends of mine to say "You should move to New York! Do it!" but I'm always scared of what will happen if I do and things go terribly wrong terribly fast.  But thinking about it, there has never really been a time where I have made a decision that wasn't perfectly thought out or weighed logically.  I'm not a risk taker and definitely not driven by emotion.  But, in these really tough times where logic on paper isn't making sense (education & creativity does not necessarily equal success anymore) it may be time to combat that with more emotional thinking, no?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

things that make my bad days better

Some days (or most, if you're like me and don't love your job) aren't always what you would hope for them to be.  But really, there is no use in moping around and being sad about it.  There are so many things that can turn a not so good or bad day around.  These are the three things that never fail to cheer me up, no matter what.

Chocolate chip cookies are an instant turn around!  When I'm feeling blue, I walk to the nearby cafe from my work and by a big cookie and an iced black tea.  It instantly puts me back in zen mode.  Also, things like this are necessities so the calories don't count.

A really good workout, post work.  Sometimes, the best thing to combat feeling awful is to make yourself feel worse.  Okay, okay not worse but really if it were up to me I would never work out.  Sure, I feel great during and after but it's the before thought that makes me cringe.  But if I'm going to work out my first choice is usually Pop Physique.  It's insane, intense and intimidating.  But it pushes you and when the class is over you walk out thinking "holy hell, I'm amazing how did I make it through that?"  That is until you wake up the next morning and all your limbs are painful jello.  You're welcome. 

Get yo nails done, girl!  This requires little explanation.  A fresh set of nails make everyday better.

image sources:  one, two, three

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

recent realizations

  1. Thread count is serious business.  I used to be one of those people who said "F*** that, I'll just buy some cheapo sheets from Ikea, who cares right?" WRONG!  I just bought 600 thread count sheets and its like I'm sleeping in butter. Never going back.
  2. Sometimes less is more.  Who knew that if I just cooled it on the fancy products I use on my face that my skin would just relax on its own.  Way to go skin!  NOTE: this "less is more" thing does not apply to rings, coffee or french fries.
  3. Lately, nothing makes me happier than cooking a super yummy meal for my friends.  Turns out I'm really good at this.  Why am I single again?
  4. Don't fight your femininity!  I am a strong, independent woman and heck I don't need anyone telling me what to do (maybe this answers my question above).  But even on days where I'm feeling that crummy I just want to wear leggings and a t-shirt feeling I instantly feel better when I add a little feminine flare to my look.  Wavy hair, a little lipstick or some sparkly all helps!
  5. Seriously think before you say something mildly racist/offensive/exclusionary.  You really never know who is around you, even if you think you are the bomb at reading people's ethnicity.   I'm talking to you lady in front of me at checkout in Target!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Loss, and the sadness that comes with that, is such a strange feeling.  You can seemingly have your emotions under control and then one day, in the most unexpected venue, they creep up with no warning.  It has been four years, today, since you left us.  I think of you often, if not every day.  Some days it feels like you passed just yesterday and other days it feels just as long as it has been.  But feelings always creep up.  Whenever "Blackbird" comes on the radio my eyes know to do nothing but cry.  I miss you so much and will cherish every moment of love and friendship we shared.  

Don't just hug and kiss those you love.  But make sure to verbalize the way you feel as often as possible, short of being annoying.  It's so important.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

how some things never change

Yesterday evening I was at my parents' house and my mother insisted on opening the box of old home movies and reliving my childhood.  I was actually pretty excited, being that I hadn't seen my baby self in quite a long time and I was very eager to see video of family members that are no longer with us.  How I miss their faces.  But, what really surprised me while watching these videos is how my brother and my personalities were seemingly carved out at such a ripe age.  In the video we watched, I was two and he was three and a half but it was almost like we were watching ourselves now.  Not in the literal sense, of course.  But it was the little things that were so funny and exactly the same about each of us.  
I was constantly tugging at my hear or nose because I was tired, and I do the same now when I am in need of sleep.  In fact, when I was a child and I didn't get 8-9 hours of sleep I was as good as done.  Same now.  In the videos my brother was the clear leader, and I just mimicked everything he did.  In one scene from Halloween 1991 he was Captain Hook and he raised his hook into the air, and I did the same with my fist even though I was a Persian Princess.  I am constantly trying to give my brother love and kisses, and he is constantly trying to get me in trouble for making a mess or push my love away.  NOTHING about that has changed.  I wonder, is this is similar to other siblings and families?  Watching these videos, I wonder if our personalities never really change.  Interests come and go, and habits are picked up a long the way, but are our personalities essentially carved out from adolescence?  We still have a couple dozen VHS to get through.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

if it were up to me

Seeing the Oscar nominations this year was extremely disappointing.  This year, more than ever, I feel like they really missed the mark.  There were so, so many good films about so many varying subjects, and I feel like these award shows always favor performances in biopics which are generally good, but not personally my favorite.  So, if it were up to me, these would be the winners of the major acting/film awards:

Best Actor (tied)
Michael Fassbender in Shame
Michael Shannon in Take Shelter

Best Actress
Tilda Swinton in We Need to Talk About Kevin

Best Supporting Actor
Christopher Plummer in Beginners

Best Supporting Actress
Octavia Spencer in The Help

Best Foreign Film
A Separation

Best Picture (tied)
The Tree of Life

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Things are looking awfully pretty around here lately.  House feeling like home.

instagram life, lately


dinner at Rascal with friends; pretty birthday chandelier
lakers vs. pacers; morning babycakes
wild flowers as a centerpiece; bringing back side ponytails
out of control perfume addiction; daily drinking

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

23 to do before 24

I got this idea from Elsie at A Beautiful Mess.  I did this list last year and crossed off every single goal except for one (a very pesky one indeed), so I thought I would do it again.  I turned 23 this past Saturday, so here is my 23 to do before 24:

1.  Go to Europe
2.  Document friends and family more (pictures, video, writing, etc.)
3.  Learn how to edit video in iMovie
4.  Take French III
5.  Move (to another apartment or far, far away eeep!)
6.  Cook recipes from Maman's (my grandmother) Persian cookbook
7.  Find a new job that I actually have passion for
8.  Stop being such a seclude
9.  Watch more old films
10.  Rekindle my love with music
11.  Foster and nurture only positive relationships
12.  Enjoy all the beauty California has to offer, by getting out doors more!
13.  Meditate at least once a week
14.  Learn to be more frugal in my personal spending
15.  Pay off one of my students loans
16.  Stay healthy (continue eating better and drinking 3L of water a day)
17.  Support organizations I love:  NPR, NYTimes, domestic violence shelters
18.  Continue writing in my journal, religiously
19.  Work on letting my guard down more
20.  Show gratitude and love to my family each and every day
21.  Join a book club
22.  Get organized (and stay that way!)
23.  Take a painting/drawing class