I have been a perfectionist ever since I can remember. In
middle school, if I didn't perfectly right my name, class name and date in the
top right corner of my assignment, you can bet it was getting thrown into the
trash and re-written. As an adult, I can't go to bed if there is a pile
of clothes sitting on the floor and I can't leave work until the finished
product of a project is up to my insane standards (that nobody asked
for). I never feel safe putting something out there or living in a way that
isn't absolutely perfect. Of course, I am aware, this has a lot to do
with control and the comfort that it gives me. But it also speaks to how
harsh I am on myself and that I see no room for error when it comes to me--I'm
far more forgiving of other's.
I bring up this topic because I
think it is something a lot of other people do. I don't think I'm alone
in this insane quest for perfection but I also think it is an issue that mostly
women struggle with. Actually, I know it is. Studies have shown that women
take less
risks than men and are more likely to not apply for a job unless they
are 100%
qualified (i.e. a perfect fit).
There are many reasons why
women are this way, a mix of biological and social factors. Taking all of
this into consideration, while at the same time ignoring it, I have been
thinking a lot about why I don't feel comfortable doing something new or scary
until I know I'm perfect at it. This is really coming into light as I
make my journey into teaching boxing. Although I have been boxing for
over 7 years now, I have told myself a thousand times that I am not good enough
to teach and have convinced myself that no one would ever look to me for
direction or advice. After all, in my eyes I have SO MUCH to learn and wouldn't
want anyone thinking I was arrogant enough to believe that I had all the
answers on this topic.
And even though my husband,
friends and even my mentors have been telling me I should teach but I kept
doing that "no, no, no" thing until I thought about why I was the
only thing standing in my way. People had approached me about teaching, I
had taking teaching courses, and I had made mental note of what I liked/didn't
like about varying teaching styles in my 7 years. Why was I acting as the
main barrier in this progress? Why was I letting the fact that I wasn't
perfect hold me back? And as I thought about it I realized that this was
a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. I felt I wasn't good enough to do
this so I never would be good enough. Because we all know that the only
way to be good at something is to JUST DO IT! Getting out of your own
way, as cliché as it may sound, is usually what is preventing you from finding
your greatness. It's you that is making the "you can't do it"
voice louder than the "I'm doing it voice". I've realized that it’s
time to stop being the only person in my life convincing myself that I can't take
a big step and join the group of incredible people in my life cheering my on!
