Three weeks ago I came down with what can be best described as the plague. Maybe it wasn't the plague, maybe it was (probably). I'm just saying I felt like death. In those five days of disaster I had nothing to eat but soup, and nothing to drink but water, orange juice and miracle healing tea concoctions from my mother (don't judge, moms are magic when it comes to curing sickness). So, post-plague, I thought to myself "oh wow, I haven't had coffee in nearly a week...I can totally just give it up and feel fine." So I haven't had coffee since March 29.
There is some back story to this. I've been cutting a lot of things out of my diet as an experiment to see what is the cause of my adult onset acne (oh the fun of being a lady, apparently this is just the beginning), so I thought why not replace the one and a half cups of coffee I have per day with green tea? That can't be too hard, right? You always see radiant ladies, who seem to be glowing in the morning sipping on some mint green tea mug.
It's not easy. Anyone who says tea is just as good as coffee is seriously kidding themselves. Or a granola, Birkenstock hippie--a look I'm really not into adopting. I've always been of the school that thinks coffee is this magical fairy that creates so many more possibilities that simply don't exist without it. After I gulp down a cup of coffee I feel... invincible. Like anything is possible. Got a stack of work on my desk? Psh, I'll knock it out in an hour. Have a friend texting me desperately for advice? Girl, I suddenly have the skills of a PhD psychoanalyst. Have a deadline for a story? Well, you get the idea. Coffee makes me better. But now coffee is gone. By my own doing, yes. But baby, I miss you so much. By 2pm I am screaming at the clock to speed up. I guess green tea has given me some positive noticeable health changes, but dear God at what cost? I snap at people in the morning, I feel like I'm always cranky, and when I overhear people saying "we should get a coffee" I want to invite myself to be their best friend.
But, I'm going to stick with it. Once this fast tops out at a month I'm going to give myself the option of going back to my darling dark brown delight (hold your puns). I hope I last that long, because the thing about caffeine is that people are constantly pushing their product on you. There's coffee in the break room, I've suddenly been gifted like 4 Starbucks cards, and whenever I go to my usual coffee shop my barista just hands me a medium coffee (you know, the usual) before I can order my healthy garbage. Goddamn, the pusher.