Lessons I'm Taking into Marriage

I know it has been said before, but growing up I was never one of those girls who dreamed of getting married.  I was never the typically cute girl in middle school/high school and I didn't realize that it was possible that one day the person I had a crush on might like me back.  Having never dreamed about the big day with the white dress, I always just hoped I would meet someone who was as into me as I was into them, made me laugh, and made me feel like I could unapologetically be myself.  

I found that in my husband.  Aside from being the person that everyone in the room loves, he has made me realize what true love is, and what respect in a relationship means.  When we got engaged a year ago I was less excited to plan our wedding, than I was to collect life lessons that I should be carrying with me into our marriage.  Because I recognized that as incredible as your wedding day is, it eventually fades and the foundation of your relationship along with what you decide this new chapter in your life will be ultimately is left standing.  That being said, I am so happy to now be married to my best friend, and these are the lessons I am taking into our forever:

1. Maintain your sense of self, even though you are now one.  Continue to have "me" time, different interests and varying ideas of the perfect day.
2. Put your phone down and acknowledge one another.  Don't let your partner walk into the house without acknowledgement and warmth.  Because without these walls, they are your home and its in your best interest to nurture it.
3. Don't go to bed angry.  An age old one--but really a night of sleep loss is worth the resolution.
4. You are different.  Remind yourself that there will always be things they are better at, and things you're better at.  Hoping for them to suddenly be how you are will only end in disaster.
5. Communication is key.
6. Never stop laughing.  If a day comes where I am not laughing in pain at least 5 times, I will be extremely alarmed.
7. Do things you don't want to.  For Carlos, its going to bed at 10pm some nights.  For me, its enduring the sounds of drum & base blaring through speakers.
8. Never disrespect one another.  As heated as arguments may get, as upset you as you may feel, the basis of your relationship should always be respect.

Starting a Conversation: Debt

Today I did something a bit revolutionary for me: I cut up my credit card.  I have never been a big credit card spender.  I tend to charge a little here, a little there, and almost always its on something I can live without.  Just looking at my purchase history on my credit card its exclusively comprised of clothes I didn't need, dinners I could have gone without and crap I can't even excuse (hair perfume from Sephora has and never will be a necessity).  But this big step for me is part of a bigger step that I really want to tackle: becoming completely debt free.

It's extremely disappointing to me that my generation never wants to talk about money but is so obsessed with making more of it and showing it off any chance they get.  Social media has made it very easy to compare what you don't have to what everyone else does.  It can be extremely depressing scrolling through Instagram, constantly wondering "How the fuck is she affording that?".  This comparison to others is an entirely different problem, but why don't we ever talk about how we are (or aren't) affording that?  Why is it still taboo to talk about money?  And why aren't we honest about our debts?

I recently watched a video by vlogger Aja Dang that I found incredibly refreshing.  I had watched Aja's video's in the past for an escape from my own reality.  She's smart, entertaining, beautiful, in great shape, and overall a great distraction from the dirty dishes in my kitchen sink.  So when she posted a video revealing her student loan debt, I was really taken aback.  I thought this girl was perfect--I mean none of these vlogger girls have any real problems right?  At least that's the narrative I would tell myself when I compared my life to theirs.  It was so damn refreshing to hear someone talking openly and honestly about money.  It gave me perspective on my own life (and my own debts), reminding me that I am not the only one with a little baggage.  Aja now vlogs her bi-monthly budget which she says keeps her accountable, but it also inspires the hell out of me!  

So here goes: I am not perfect.  I have some baggage.  Some financial baggage.  And that is OK.  What I have decided is not OK is sitting back and doing nothing about it.  Considering that I am getting married in a couple months, I can think of no better time than now to come up with a concrete plan of tackling my debts so that we can live with less anxiety and more freedom.  My fiance is truly the bees knees and I would never want to be a burden to our love.  Being that we struggle to fight about anything, I would hate it if money became a point of conflict.  In an effort to avoid any of that happening, and to hopefully inspire a few of you to have honest discussions about money, I am listing all my current debt below in the order I plan on paying it off.  Full transparency.  Because this kind of stuff only gets worse living in the shadows.  Considering that our generation is the first in American history that is projected to do worse financially than their parents, we need a bit more financial honesty!

Credit Card: $930.44 (Goal: payoff by March 31, 2018)

Auto Loan: $10,700 (Goal: payoff by January 31, 2019)

Graduate Student Loans: $98,000 (Goal: payoff by March 1, 2023)

This is a start (and a big step for me) but it will be something that I document here, sharing my process for tackling my debts and what works/doesn't work for me.  While this is all extremely scary, and a bit embarrassing to document, I think it could be extremely powerful in starting a conversation about money within our generation.