Sunday, July 31, 2011


I know that girls functionally and medically become women once that awkward/ugly puberty stage hits in your teens, but really I feel like my coming into adulthood is just hitting me in my early twenties. And with that, I think there are somethings your mother can never prepare you for in being a girl in this stage in her life. For example, no one ever told me that either my skin will be looking amazing or my figure would be just how I want it to be. Never at the same time. I just get one. No one prepares you for that. I get that you can't have it all, but those are kind of important for a girl looking for some sort of future potential husband in the pathetic arena of dating that is the dive bars I peruse with friends.

Which brings me to another thing my mother didn't prepare me for: how grim it is out there these days to find a nice, clean shaven, charming young man. My parents met when my mother was 23 (the birthday I'll be coming upon next) which seems almost unheard of to me. Not because I think that is far too young to meet the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. But because I can't imagine finding anyone amongst the flock that I have seen that I could see that type of future with. I'm not saying that boys are awful and gross and it's a desert out there. But it kind of is, being that I truly believe that females mature much faster then males do. A belief that is constantly reinforced when I see boys jaws drop when they learn I am finished with college, living on my own and have a good job. To them that seems unheard of or intimidating or just too much to comprehend, I think?

Maybe I've been watching too much Mad Men, or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I really do believe that there should be more effort in courting these days. I hold my feminist beliefs, but I also think trying to get my number while wearing flip flops and a backwards cap at a dimly lit bar is almost insulting. My mother did prepare me for gentlemen and gentlemen acts. That includes putting an effort in your appearance. I've spoken to friends about this, and I think the primary frustration is that we girls spend time, effort and money into looking put together and pretty. And yes, we do that because it makes US feel good (at least I do), but it is also a reflection of what we expect or what we want to attract. If I wanted a guy with flip flops and a backwards cap, I would have thrown on a sweat suit and Uggs and walked around my local campus. But we're supposed to be grown ups, guys.

Thursday, July 21, 2011



I think this bag has changed my life. Okay, that might be extreme, but I'm a girl who always carries a small purse. Just enough to fit the essentials. But, when I go to work I have more stuff (lunch, planner, files, etc.) and I've been lugging around ugly tote bag after ugly tote bag so I finally made an investment and bought the lovely creature above. Why has it made a difference?

I now carry a book with me as well, since I have the space, and instead of sitting at my desk with my leftover pasta at lunchtime reading gossip blogs, I go outside, sit on a bench, and read something lovely as I scarf down carbs. Peace of mind! It may sound like nothing, but there really is nothing worse than having a mouthfull of a turkey sandwich while oogling over the latest Ryan Gosling candids as my boss walks by to ask my something about a project I'm working on. I don't look awesome, or like someone who cares about reading books, I look kinda creepy. Ick. And with this new bag I have also started carrying around my camera more, stopping to take photos of things that I like to look at throughout the day. Much better than my crappy cell phone pictures that never make it off my cell phone.

I'm starting to think that little adjustments in simple things in my life are the key to being productive and staying inspired. Keep the adjustments coming.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

super people

I went to my first ever therapy session two days ago. It's not the sort of thing I think I need on a regular basis, or something I think will solve all of my problems, but I wanted to include someone in my everyday internal dialogue and see if they had any solutions. Any coping skills if you will. The session mostly included me talking about putting a lot of pressure on myself to be really ahead and on top of my career/getting where I want to be both professionally and personally. Following the talk with the doc I started to wonder why is it that recently I have such an obsession with being happy in my career even though I'm only 22. And it dawned on me: I work in a place where I am constantly surrounded by people around my age who are doing exactly what they want.

I work in an admin office at a hospital that is constantly swarming with twenty-something residents who seem to know exactly where they are going in their careers--after all they are on track to get there. I guess I'm always feeling like I'm surrounded by these people who are not much older than me that are doing what they want and seem to be very happy doing it. Also, most of these residents are married/prego/on track to being total adults. How do they do it? How are they so sure of themselves? It's almost rude of them to prance around and rub it in my face. Okay, not really. But at times it baffles me that they are so on their game. I guess there are superhuman people like this that surround all other 22 year olds that are feeling like me. That are placed there just to make us all scratch our heads and think "wait, how do I get to that place in my life?" It's still a wonder to me.

Monday, July 11, 2011


such an inspiring author, and i can't help but feel the same as he most days.

Friday, July 8, 2011

adult life; lost


I'm definitely one of those people who is having a very difficult time being an adult. And I know I'm not the only one. I have many, many friends who drew out the college experience by taking semesters off/traveling in between/slacking off as an excuse to not have to face the world I am currently facing.
I did not draw out the college experience. I made it a point to get in and out in four years. Why? Not because I didn't love college and enjoy the process of it all (believe me, I'm one of those weird people who would be very happy going to school for the rest of their lives), but rather I didn't want to create more debt than I really needed to. So I graduated. Back in the summer of 2010. It's been a year, and that is a very scary thing for me. I left the east coast as soon as college was done, and like most graduates thought the smart thing to do would be to move home in order to save money and find a job in my field.
Ah hah! I never found a job in my field. I lived with my parents (a very hard thing to do when you go from coming home at 3am with no one to bother you, to your frantic mother insisting the "streets are filled with crazies" and to please make it home earlier), returned to a well paying retail job in my home of Los Angeles, CA and started chipping away at my loans/hunting for jobs. I applied for over 100 jobs. Nothing. I started applying for internships. Paid internships (I mean c'mon, I'm a college graduate!). Nothing. The only interview I got in the field of journalism was an unpaid internship at a pretty prominent fashion website. I even considered working unpaid for 6months and hating myself in the process just so I could get experience. But no, nothing.
Now I am at a new job (well not that new, I've been here for over 6 months) that pays me well. It gives me enough money to live on a tight budget alone in a one bedroom apartment in the city. But like all people who take jobs outside of their passion, who also still hold the naive dream that they will one day be successful doing their passion, I am not scratching my head wondering "what am I doing with my time?"
I'm trying to suck it up and stay at this assistant job for another year. I figure it will give me good experience on paper, and maybe then someone in the field of media will want me.
I have plans. Plans to stay at this job, then hopefully go to Europe next summer with three years of french under my belt. Look for a job there. If nothing comes of it, move to New York to live close to/with my best friend and scower the streets for a career. That should work, right?