Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Soon after graduating college I started to feel really strange about how I spent my days. For the previous eighteen years of my life, I spent the majority of days going to class or preparing for a class. And now that was all done. And to my surprise (and disappointment) I missed it. After talking to a lot of fellow nerds (my friends) like myself, I noticed that I wasn't alone in this feeling of longing for learning. Maybe it's because the institute of education has taught me that you can only learn in a classroom setting or maybe I am one of those people who loves going to school. Also, just reading in my spare time wasn't doing it for me. I felt like my brain was rotting in the mundane of working every day. So I decided to take a class: French.

Now, I always wanted to learn French. I took Spanish in high school and college, but honestly language classes always go on the back burner when you have classes like Bio or Multicultural Literature to study for. This whole quarter life crisis time was the perfect opportunity to take a French class, master it and maybe meet the French man of my dreams with my skills, no? I'm in my second year of French now, and even though it is by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to learn I don't see myself giving up anytime soon. This language has become my everyday challenge, and I want to master it.

I don't talk to a lot of people at my job. But when I do, I think to myself, "now Katia, how would you say this in French?" And I translate in my brain. I translate actions I do throughout the day. I have put post-its on almost all of my objects in my apartment with their French translation. It's become an obsession. But it has also given me a lot of purpose. I tend to grow bored of a routine and taking a class kind of combines the life I had when I was a full-time student with my now "adult" everyday mundane. It's refreshing and inspiring.

Friday, September 9, 2011

coffee talk


Coffee talk. Real talk. Every morning I crawl to my desk and start my work. The feeling of "oh god, can I make it through this day? I just want to be outdoors doing something fun!" constantly running through my head. I go over in my mind how pointless an office job feels. And then I have my morning coffee. My morning coffee saves me from being that I hate everything my job, my hair today someone give me a hug girl. After my morning coffee, I feel like I can conquer the world. Or the pile of work on my desk. Same thing.
Anyways, I know I'm not alone in this feeling because I don't think Starbucks' success is due to their ability to hire cute baristas and sell CDs we have had on our iPods for months. It's because coffee makes you feel like a superhero. Okay, I don't go overboard. I literally only have one cup of coffee a day, and on the weekends maybe two (but the second is only in social situations, I swear). I don't buy all those crazy seasonal drinks, I stick to my lovely dark roast coffee each day. Without coffee I probably wouldn't have finished college, wouldn't be a job applying machine, and definitely not gone into the field of journalism (although at this point, it's basically aspiring).
And don't you hate those idiots who say things like "I've been off coffee for five months, and all I drink is Green Tea. I feel so much better." Shut up! No one likes Green Tea more than coffee, and if they do I'm pretty sure they're a communist. My point is this, even if you don't have super serious things to complain about (you know, compared to all the awful things going on in the world), coffee will make you forget about all the things you do feel like complaining about, and push you to shut the fuck up about "wah wah this sucks" and actually DO something about it. Trust, I wasn't even going to write this blog post until my cup of coffee pretty much told me to. You're welcome.

Thursday, September 8, 2011


FYI, having an almost soulmate best friend can make your life much easier. I mean, no one else will listen to me complain about bad sales people or having dreams where I kiss everyone I see. These are problems only best friends can solve. It's in the manual.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

This article definitely hit close to home. As I was reading it, I felt as if the writer was pulling thoughts from my mind. Now, I am not from a small town, so I don't think the weight of returning to where I grew up bares quite as much "oh geeez" as it would if I was, however I definitely have those moments where I run into people from high school. People who I was never really super keen on and they say things, "So what, you're still living here," to which I want to scream out "no, no, this is all just temporary! I moved away and finished college and I swear I'm telling the truth, this is just where I need to be right now." I definitely duck when I see certain faces that used to roam my high school's hallways that are now roaming the isles of the Trader Joes near my apartment. I guess I don't have it quite as bad as I may think. I live on my own, after almost a year at my parents' house. But I totally have that guilt.

That guilt of being seemingly ungrateful for my job. I have a good job that pays me well in an economy where people with two masters' degrees can't even swing a job at Banana Republic. I get paid to do things for other people, whatever they may need. But I'm so dissatisfied with it, and there is where my guilt comes in. I guess I just look around at a lot of my co-workers, and although they may be happy in this position in this stage in their life I certainly am not. I sometimes feel chronically dissatisfied with my options, but I don't have the goal of owning property, settling down in a relationship or doing other adult things. There is a lot more out there for me, I feel. A lot more to be done before I can start even thinking of those things on my horizon. Whether it's guilt for being dissatisfied, or worried that I seem selfish for wanting more...something is always plaguing me of what my present and my hopes for the future say about where I am going in life. I feel like I am at a standstill. Like I am stuck in this day-to-day that I never really envisioned for myself and that I want to get out of as soon as I can...but then my mind takes me back to 'would that be the responsible things to do?'

I know Catholic guilt is a thing. I'm not Catholic, but can we come up with something I call Good Girl Guilt? I've always done the good and responsible thing my entire life, so even entertaining the idea of doing something outside of the lines scares me a bit. I brought up the idea to my mother a few days ago that after our family trip to Europe next summer, maybe I will stay in Paris for an couple of months to study French (I'm currently in my second year). She instantly shot the question of, "But what about your job?" to which I said, "I mean maybe I'll quite and see where my time in France takes me." The look on her face said it all, but her words were exactly what I sometimes think to myself. "So you just wouldn't have a job? I don't understand, how could you not have a job? No job?" To which I quickly backpedaled and said I hadn't really thought it through and it was really far off in the future and we'll see and blah blah I'm sorry I'll be good again blah blah blah. But, I don't really want to forget about it. I want to start taking the steps (saving and whatnot) to make sure I will be able to do that this time next year. It wouldn't be so bad and it's a rare opportunity and age in my life where I would be able to just go for it. But then again, these days my head is all over the place and I feel like I just jump to any thought of a plan that will take me out of my current day-to-day. If you could only hear how loud my sigh is.

Thursday, September 1, 2011


Fall is my favorite season. And although I am back in Los Angeles, where the season isn't nearly as beautiful as it is on the East Coast (see above image), it still means droopy sweaters, boots with socks, pumpkin beer, and extra blankets. The one good thing about Fall in Los Angeles, is that the changing of the leaves lasts until early December, since it takes much longer here.
I knew I would miss my favorite time of year on the East Coast, so in October I am taking a week long trip to New York to take it all in, see old friends and make the ultimate decision if I want to go back East permanently, this time next year. I have a longing for it, but it is also a big decision to make, and I don't know if I'm adult enough yet to really go through with living so far away from my family again.