Tuesday, September 3, 2013

friendships of the ages

.As a preface, I will say this is almost a follow-up to this entry I wrote.  I say "almost" a follow-up, because it isn't really an update, just some more thoughts.
What makes friendship something worth investing in?  Something worth nurturing like a new pair of squeaky clean shoes?  Pardon the simile.  Some might think a new pair of shoes is no way to refer to a friendship, but I beg to differ.  Just think of your most favorite pair of shoes.  The ones that you keep the paper inserts in and have the pretty shoe box stored highest in your closet, for if your apartment were to flood they wouldn't be touched.  Preserving the dignity of such shoes takes effort, thought, and care.  Much like a good friendship.
Like most girls, I've had different "best" friends throughout different parts of my life.  And like most relationships, they aren't as good as you thought they were at the time looking back now with clearer eyes.  They all taught me something, but they most of them weren't my best.  Friendships that were more frenemies, friendships that were very superficial, friendships that were based mostly off of help on math homework, and friendships that ended with a boyfriend coming between.  We've all had them.  
Heck, I think I at one point had a best friend one summer during camp at the age of nine where the basis of the friendship was on our love of sour candy straws and the constant competitiveness of who was better at the card game speed.  We spent hours during our free hour in the hot sun of the San Fernando Valley stickying our cards with green candy stained lips, grimacing at who would put their last card down first.  You know, friendship. 
I often laugh now thinking about the types of friendships I've had.  I'll take responsibility for killing a few.  Like not staying in touch when they leave the country, or being too tired and too into a Law & Order SVU marathon to attend their birthday party, or (a reason many lady friendships have ended) being completely creeped by their boyfriend's necessity to look at your lips as you speak and giggle about your lisp.  Over and over.  
But I've had my fair share of crazies too.  One who stopped being my friend because I started walking to school with a mutual friend, one who made up a lie about me kissing a boy behind the bungalows (when in fact it was her), and one who had me over to cut out Backstreet Boy magazine clippings every Saturday and then decided not to invite me to her Bat Mitzvah.  I'm convinced she was just using me for my subscription to Teen People magazine.
I still secretly wonder what happened to many of these girls who I once felt I knew so well.  Girls who ended up being a bad fit for me, but perhaps that special pair of shoes for someone else. With the internet I guess there is little wondering to do, since some quick clicks will lead me to their current lives, boyfriends, careers and photographic proof of mistakes.  But mostly, I've kept my distance from that level of stalker.  When friendships end, it can be sad but I always try to remind myself that their was a reason that it wasn't going to work out in the end.  Much like relationships, not every friendship will last forever and that's okay.  The loss of a friendship has never stopped me from opening myself up to new ones.  I mean, if the person is into pizza, wiener dogs and The Daily Show, we may have a recipe for everlasting friendship.

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