Waiting to be Perfect

I have been a perfectionist ever since I can remember.  In middle school, if I didn't perfectly right my name, class name and date in the top right corner of my assignment, you can bet it was getting thrown into the trash and re-written.  As an adult, I can't go to bed if there is a pile of clothes sitting on the floor and I can't leave work until the finished product of a project is up to my insane standards (that nobody asked for).  I never feel safe putting something out there or living in a way that isn't absolutely perfect.  Of course, I am aware, this has a lot to do with control and the comfort that it gives me.  But it also speaks to how harsh I am on myself and that I see no room for error when it comes to me--I'm far more forgiving of other's.  

I bring up this topic because I think it is something a lot of other people do.  I don't think I'm alone in this insane quest for perfection but I also think it is an issue that mostly women struggle with. Actually, I know it is.  Studies have shown that women take less risks than men and are more likely to not apply for a job unless they are 100% qualified (i.e. a perfect fit).

There are many reasons why women are this way, a mix of biological and social factors.  Taking all of this into consideration, while at the same time ignoring it, I have been thinking a lot about why I don't feel comfortable doing something new or scary until I know I'm perfect at it.  This is really coming into light as I make my journey into teaching boxing.  Although I have been boxing for over 7 years now, I have told myself a thousand times that I am not good enough to teach and have convinced myself that no one would ever look to me for direction or advice.  After all, in my eyes I have SO MUCH to learn and wouldn't want anyone thinking I was arrogant enough to believe that I had all the answers on this topic.  

And even though my husband, friends and even my mentors have been telling me I should teach but I kept doing that "no, no, no" thing until I thought about why I was the only thing standing in my way.  People had approached me about teaching, I had taking teaching courses, and I had made mental note of what I liked/didn't like about varying teaching styles in my 7 years.  Why was I acting as the main barrier in this progress?  Why was I letting the fact that I wasn't perfect hold me back?  And as I thought about it I realized that this was a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.  I felt I wasn't good enough to do this so I never would be good enough.  Because we all know that the only way to be good at something is to JUST DO IT!  Getting out of your own way, as cliché as it may sound, is usually what is preventing you from finding your greatness.  It's you that is making the "you can't do it" voice louder than the "I'm doing it voice".  I've realized that it’s time to stop being the only person in my life convincing myself that I can't take a big step and join the group of incredible people in my life cheering my on!

Lessons I'm Taking into Marriage

I know it has been said before, but growing up I was never one of those girls who dreamed of getting married.  I was never the typically cute girl in middle school/high school and I didn't realize that it was possible that one day the person I had a crush on might like me back.  Having never dreamed about the big day with the white dress, I always just hoped I would meet someone who was as into me as I was into them, made me laugh, and made me feel like I could unapologetically be myself.  

I found that in my husband.  Aside from being the person that everyone in the room loves, he has made me realize what true love is, and what respect in a relationship means.  When we got engaged a year ago I was less excited to plan our wedding, than I was to collect life lessons that I should be carrying with me into our marriage.  Because I recognized that as incredible as your wedding day is, it eventually fades and the foundation of your relationship along with what you decide this new chapter in your life will be ultimately is left standing.  That being said, I am so happy to now be married to my best friend, and these are the lessons I am taking into our forever:

1. Maintain your sense of self, even though you are now one.  Continue to have "me" time, different interests and varying ideas of the perfect day.
2. Put your phone down and acknowledge one another.  Don't let your partner walk into the house without acknowledgement and warmth.  Because without these walls, they are your home and its in your best interest to nurture it.
3. Don't go to bed angry.  An age old one--but really a night of sleep loss is worth the resolution.
4. You are different.  Remind yourself that there will always be things they are better at, and things you're better at.  Hoping for them to suddenly be how you are will only end in disaster.
5. Communication is key.
6. Never stop laughing.  If a day comes where I am not laughing in pain at least 5 times, I will be extremely alarmed.
7. Do things you don't want to.  For Carlos, its going to bed at 10pm some nights.  For me, its enduring the sounds of drum & base blaring through speakers.
8. Never disrespect one another.  As heated as arguments may get, as upset you as you may feel, the basis of your relationship should always be respect.

Starting a Conversation: Debt

Today I did something a bit revolutionary for me: I cut up my credit card.  I have never been a big credit card spender.  I tend to charge a little here, a little there, and almost always its on something I can live without.  Just looking at my purchase history on my credit card its exclusively comprised of clothes I didn't need, dinners I could have gone without and crap I can't even excuse (hair perfume from Sephora has and never will be a necessity).  But this big step for me is part of a bigger step that I really want to tackle: becoming completely debt free.

It's extremely disappointing to me that my generation never wants to talk about money but is so obsessed with making more of it and showing it off any chance they get.  Social media has made it very easy to compare what you don't have to what everyone else does.  It can be extremely depressing scrolling through Instagram, constantly wondering "How the fuck is she affording that?".  This comparison to others is an entirely different problem, but why don't we ever talk about how we are (or aren't) affording that?  Why is it still taboo to talk about money?  And why aren't we honest about our debts?

I recently watched a video by vlogger Aja Dang that I found incredibly refreshing.  I had watched Aja's video's in the past for an escape from my own reality.  She's smart, entertaining, beautiful, in great shape, and overall a great distraction from the dirty dishes in my kitchen sink.  So when she posted a video revealing her student loan debt, I was really taken aback.  I thought this girl was perfect--I mean none of these vlogger girls have any real problems right?  At least that's the narrative I would tell myself when I compared my life to theirs.  It was so damn refreshing to hear someone talking openly and honestly about money.  It gave me perspective on my own life (and my own debts), reminding me that I am not the only one with a little baggage.  Aja now vlogs her bi-monthly budget which she says keeps her accountable, but it also inspires the hell out of me!  

So here goes: I am not perfect.  I have some baggage.  Some financial baggage.  And that is OK.  What I have decided is not OK is sitting back and doing nothing about it.  Considering that I am getting married in a couple months, I can think of no better time than now to come up with a concrete plan of tackling my debts so that we can live with less anxiety and more freedom.  My fiance is truly the bees knees and I would never want to be a burden to our love.  Being that we struggle to fight about anything, I would hate it if money became a point of conflict.  In an effort to avoid any of that happening, and to hopefully inspire a few of you to have honest discussions about money, I am listing all my current debt below in the order I plan on paying it off.  Full transparency.  Because this kind of stuff only gets worse living in the shadows.  Considering that our generation is the first in American history that is projected to do worse financially than their parents, we need a bit more financial honesty!

Credit Card: $930.44 (Goal: payoff by March 31, 2018)

Auto Loan: $10,700 (Goal: payoff by January 31, 2019)

Graduate Student Loans: $98,000 (Goal: payoff by March 1, 2023)

This is a start (and a big step for me) but it will be something that I document here, sharing my process for tackling my debts and what works/doesn't work for me.  While this is all extremely scary, and a bit embarrassing to document, I think it could be extremely powerful in starting a conversation about money within our generation.

27 to do before 28

Ah 28!  That's a scary thought.  Anyways, 27 has been a number that has always been very present and recurring in my life and while I tend not to look too deeply into things like that I do think this will be my best year ever!  Making this list a little late, but already it is a wonderful year..

1.  Run another half marathon
2.  Start training for a full marathon
3.  Visit a new country (Thailand plllllease!)
4.  Buy less things I don't need (this will probably be the hardest one)
5.  Save at least $6k by the end of the year
6.  Learn to ride a motorcycle
7.  Get stronger and stronger
8.  Complete a Spartan Race
9.  Meditate
10.  Get better at rowing
11.  Minimize/simplify my home
12.  Continue building strong female friendships
13.  Grow my hair long again
14.  Trying camping (I promise!)
15.  Cook more for people I love
16.  Travel more (locally and beyond)
17.  Be kinder and not take out life's frustrations on those I love
18.  Give more time to the man I love and adore
19.  Rest more (this has been difficult lately, sadly)
20.  Drink MORE coffee (goddamn right)
21.  Start my practicum for school and figure out exactly what I want to do with this adult life
22.  Cut out all the negativity
23.  Gossip less
24.  Get one more piercing (or maybe two)
25.  See Beyonce with the strong women I love and adore
26.  Take time in the summer to lay in the sun and do nothing (truly something I've never done for very long)
27.  Go see the California Poppies 

Final Update: 26 to do before 27

26 was the best year EVER even if I didn't reach all my goals...but I know 27 will be my best year yet, back to the drawing board!

1.  Read 1 book a month: 12 total/year Textbooks count too, right?
2.  Run a half marathon I ran 2!
3.  Visit a new country4.  Save enough money to buy a new car
5.  Do Salvation Mountain
6.  Start grad school
7.  Go to New Orleans, LA
8.  Take a salsa dancing class
9.  Attempt camping at least one more time
10.  Make more plants for friends/family
11.  Do volunteer work
12.  Continue the healthy kick I've been on
13.  Learn to relax and accept the things I have no control over
14.  Learn to cook at least 10 new dishes
15.  Finally go see the Antelope Valley poppy reserve in the Spring
16.  Take a break from technology more
17.  Get back to writing again, whether it just be for me or otherwise
18.  Get better at Pilates
19.  Love more, be aggravated less
20.  Hike Pine Ridge Trail in Big Sur
21.  Sleep in a yurt because c'mon why not?
22.  Get more organized in my work
23.  Learn to ride a motorcycle, even if it gives my parents a heart attack
24.  Read up on transcendental meditation
25.  Get back into reading/writing in French so that I am competent enough to pen a letter in the language
26.  Take more polaroids

26 to do before 27

Oh 26, so far so great.  Let's make it an accomplished year!

1.  Read 1 book a month: 12 total/year

2.  Run a half marathon
3.  Visit a new country
4.  Save enough money to buy a new car
5.  Do Salvation Mountain
6.  Start grad school
7.  Go to New Orleans, LA
8.  Take a salsa dancing class
9.  Attempt camping at least one more time
10.  Make more plants for friends/family
11.  Do volunteer work
12.  Continue the healthy kick I've been on
13.  Learn to relax and accept the things I have no control over
14.  Learn to cook at least 10 new dishes
15.  Finally go see the Antelope Valley poppy reserve in the Spring
16.  Take a break from technology more

17.  Get back to writing again, whether it just be for me or otherwise

18.  Get better at Pilates

19.  Love more, be aggravated less

20.  Hike Pine Ridge Trail in Big Sur

21.  Sleep in a yurt because c'mon why not?

22.  Get more organized in my work

23.  Learn to ride a motorcycle, even if it gives my parents a heart attack

24.  Read up on transcendental meditation

25.  Get back into reading/writing in French so that I am competent enough to pen a letter in the language

26.  Take more polaroids

Final Update: 25 to do before 26

Well haven't I been just the worst at keeping up with this thing?  2014 was a tough year, but I definitely grew.  I grew stronger, smarter and into a better version of myself.  So with my 26th birthday just days away, let me recap the goals I have accomplished/neglected.

1.  Visit a new country

2.  Start saving more

3.  Open a retirement account (yikes!)

4.  Take my GRE Exam and apply to grad school

5.  Do more with my hair and get out of the habit of boring looks

6.  Keep up with my fitness and continue to work out four days a week  I work out 6 days a week now!

7.  Drop 5 lbs Dropped 10lbs!

8.  Take a break from technology more often

9.  Take a trip to Big Sur

10.  Do volunteer work

11.  Take more pictures of friends and loved ones, because I know I will treasure every photo as the years pass by

12.  More long walks and activities after work (i.e. don't allow myself to get so tired after work!)

13. Send letters to friends abroad MORE!

14.  Read 10 books

15.  Be the kindest I can be to others and work on my temper (especially while driving)

16.  Go on more hikes (because Los Angeles is beautiful)

17.  Drive much, much less

18.  Consume less celebrity gossip (sorry, it's my weakness)

19.  Get strong enough to do 10 pull ups (sounds easy but soooo is not)

20.  Go make-up free more

21.  Become better at time management (I'm pretty good with this already, but I know there are minutes that add up to hours that I am wasting!)

22.  Get a couple more holes in my ears

23.  Cook more veggie meals

24.  Do Angel's Flight in DTLA

25.  Drink more wine (because I don't do it enough and it makes me happy!)

recent realizations

1.  The city of Los Angeles give you no incentive to abide by the law.  Dealing with my awful hit & run accident from October has shown me that despite having video & photos of the incident and basically all the information you could need to catch a person, people suffer no consequences for the actions.  Where is the justice?!
2.  Beyonce can do everything we normals cant.  Case in point:  hats with ears
3.  Aquafor is better than all else.  Don't even bring that burts bees mess in my vicinity.
4.  Sushi burritos exist and they are EVERYTHING
5.  People who constantly talk about sex/boys on social media are most definitely terrible at life

how a promotion helped me swim again

I have never, ever been the kind of person who looks to their job for gratification or some fulfillment of happiness. Sure, days are easier when you like your job--but when it comes to happiness the last place I'm looking is my professional life.  A job is a job is a job.  Whether its your dream job or a job for the now, it should be what you do not who you are  At least that is my perspective--life, friends and family is where I find my happiness.  Even still, the last year had been very tough on me.  I had been in a job I didn't really like very much because I wasn't challenged and undervalued.  

I constantly felt bored, having an hour every day between tasks to troll Etsy for things I didn't need and would never buy.  And even though I was very good at my job and always got verbal praise, the financial praise never came.  No one ever seemed interested in giving me more work, even though it seemed like I was begging for it at times; whenever a position in my department opened up with room for growth I was constantly told that in time that would be appropriate for me, but for now I needed to grow more.  Grow?  I felt like I was bursting at the seems waiting to be challenged, to be engaged, to do more!  

The straw that broke the camels back came last May. It started with management asking to me to help on some administrative stuff on the submission of a multi-million dollar grant.  You know, no big deal just stuff like numbering pages, changing headers.  Essentially looking for consistency.  But after a few days I started to feel like things were really started being dumped on me.  I was being asked to do research, change budget number, collect signatures on contracts, and a whole slew of things that went beyond my pay grade.  All I kept thinking was how these things were so not my job, and I would be open to doing these things except there actually is someone who is paid to do these things.  There is someone who was given this job because they were classified as competent.  And oddly enough, this person had no clue what they were doing and shuffled through papers whenever someone pointed out this incompetence.  Yet here I am, the dummy of all dummies, doing work that someone else is getting paid for while simultaneous being told that I am not at the level I need to be in order to have a position like that.  

When all was said and done, I found myself having racked up 15hrs in overtime in one week, working at my cubicle through the weekend, and being only one of two people helping with the submission that came down to the wire.  And what was my thank you?  A bonus? A promotion? Ahhh you all are just dreamers!  I came to work on Monday morning to find a $10 Starbucks gift card sitting on my keyboard.  In that moment the rage boiled over to the point where I took the gift card straight to the shredder and let that baby die.  

From that day I knew I had enough and it was time to move on.  The thing about not being valued is that it begins to take a real toll on how you view yourself.  At first I thought maybe I wasn't working hard enough which was why I wasn't being recognized for my work.  Then as I worked harder I thought maybe I wasn't showing how I could go above and beyond.  Then when I went above and beyond and beyond and to infinity and beyond and still got no recognition, I thought there really just must be something wrong with me.  I must be doing something wrong that people don't see my effort.  These feelings never took a toll on my work ethic, but rather on my self worth.  I am someone who has worked since I was 13 yeas old.  I was always told how good I was at my various jobs and often promoted or praised for my efforts.  What was I doing wrong this time?

After months of these feelings I knew I had to do something to get the ball rolling for things to change.  Finally I took a leap (after much encouragement from my boyfriend and family) and applied for a job that, in my head, was way out of my league.  To my surprise I got an interview, and to my even greater surprise I got the job two hours after I walked out of the interview.  Glowing with happiness and excitement, I locked myself in the office next to my cubicle and did a dance and leap for this fresh start that at times felt like would never come  The following Monday I informed my superior that I got a promotion and would be leaving the department.  And rather than experiencing happiness and showing support for me moving on to bigger and better things, the reaction was less than I expected.  

The strange thing was, every one of my peers was so happy for me but every one of my superiors met me with the same reaction.  "Oh, you're leaving us?  Oh my god.  Um okay.  Well I guess congratulations.  That's good for you.  It's going to be so tough to figure everything out before you leave."  Words that I so desperately needed to hear.  Because in that moment I realized exactly why I wasn't getting anywhere even with all my hard work.  It was in that moment that I realized that people are willing to hold you back so that they can keep you and not have to search for someone to fill the very big shoes you have created.  The old cliche that people will hold you back so that they can get ahead wasn't applicable in this situation.  People were holding me back so that I wouldn't realize my full potential and to make feel as though my only option was to swim in place. 

Two weeks into my new job and I couldn't be happier.  I have pushed away all that negativity and harbored resentment that I held for so long and feel this flush of positive energy.  Everyone around me seems genuinely happy to have me here and finally, after three years of it sinking to the bottom, my confidence in my abilities and work have swam to the surface again.  

25 to do before 26

Yikes!  26!  I'm already super feeling 25.  I have an amazing new job, very happy in my personal life, love where I live, and finally feel like adulthood has a nice rhythm to it.  So here it is, my ambition list of 25 things to do before I'm 26!

1.  Visit a new country

2.  Start saving more

3.  Open a retirement account (yikes!)

4.  Take my GRE Exam and apply to grad school

5.  Do more with my hair and get out of the habit of boring looks

6.  Keep up with my fitness and continue to work out four days a week

7.  Drop 5 lbs

8.  Take a break from technology more often

9.  Take a trip to Big Sur

10.  Do volunteer work

11.  Take more pictures of friends and loved ones, because I know I will treasure every photo as the years pass by

12.  More long walks and activities after work (i.e. don't allow myself to get so tired after work!)

13. Send letters to friends abroad MORE!

14.  Read 10 books

15.  Be the kindest I can be to others and work on my temper (especially while driving)

16.  Go on more hikes (because Los Angeles is beautiful)

17.  Drive much, much less

18.  Consume less celebrity gossip (sorry, it's my weakness)

19.  Get strong enough to do 10 pull ups (sounds easy but soooo is not)

20.  Go make-up free more

21.  Become better at time management (I'm pretty good with this already, but I know there are minutes that add up to hours that I am wasting!)

22.  Get a couple more holes in my ears

23.  Cook more veggie meals

24.  Do Angel's Flight in DTLA

25.  Drink more wine (because I don't do it enough and it makes me happy!)

Final Update: 24 to do before 25

I had a birthday on Tuesday, so it's time to revisit my list of goals:

1.  Fix up my bike/get a new bike and ride more.  Winter weather seems to have slowed me down.  I didn't fix up my bike but I definitely rode more this year.  Not as much as I would have liked, but I did.
2.  Move.
3.  Visit a couple more states I've never been to, maybe a country.  Sadly, I did not go anywhere new, but Chicago is in my future in 2014, and if I'm lucky so is a new country.
4.  Continue eating healthy and drinking lots of water each day.
5.  Focus on stressing less and remembering the important things.  This is always  a work in progress though.  I still have a long ways to go.
6.  Write more.  Lots more.
7.  Buy an espresso machine and make more coffee at home!  Didn't happen.  Not even close
8.  Pay off half of my last student loan.
9.  Be more open to things that are either a little scary or not necessarily my first choice.  I went camping this year for the first time every so I consider this very accomplished.
10.  Start to exercise a bit.  Some Pop Physique classes here and there along with hikes.  My non exercise routine will catch up with me!  I completely kicked this goals ass!  Literally!  I've been kickboxing four days a week for the past four months.
11.  Spend more time with my family.
12.  Do more freelance work.  Unfortunately, I only got two pieces freelanced this year.  But to be fair I've been busy studying for the GRE
13.  Take French II, again.  Again, the option in my head was to either start studying for the GRE or get back into French.  French lost.
14.  Keep my relationship strong and wonderful.  This is always a work in progress and I hope to be better and more patient as time goes on.
15.  Try to wear more heels.  This isn't a promise, but a possibility.  I am always the shortest person in the room.  I'm still a flats person, but I wore heels more this year than most.
16.  Go to Palm Springs in the summertime.
17.  Go camping for the first time.
18.  Spend less time reading celebrity gossip on my computer and spend that time reading more.  I still love my trashy news though
19.  Bake at least five cakes.  The last two times I made cakes they seemed to go horribly wrong, but I will not be discouraged!  Nope, not even close.
20.  Discover a new artist.
21.  Start writing cards for friends/family more.
22.  Create a delicious cocktail.  Hot toddies have been a staple at my house lately
23.  Learn to cook a few more recipes from my grandmother's cookbook.
24.  Ride a scooter (the motorized kind!).

17 of 24 aint so bad in my opinion.  25 to do before 26 coming soon!

home sweet home

Oh lord, I know it's been a while but honey the holidays don't play.  I've been quite busy and good things are in the works and it seems the universe is finally listening to my voicemails, begging for a positive change.  Aside from that, my lovely apartment has been coming together very nicely mostly thanks to all the eyegasms Pinterests offers me on the daily.  Here are a few of my favorite homespirations!

  

source:  all Pinterest

Things I bought recently and didn't hate

1)  My new, very cherished faux leather jacket is the compliment magnet I hoped it would be.
2)  Yes, these boots are as bad ass in person as they look in photos.  And they're comfortable!
3)  Goyard, my new happy place.
4)  New vase, perfect for the too many flowers I buy too often.
5)  I bought this tea because of the image on the box.  That should tell you the age of my brain.
6)  The prettiest rug for my very white apartment.  
7)  Because I ripped my last faux leather pants getting into a truck.  Yup, they were tight.  
8)  Marshmallow nails, and on my plate please!
9)  To feed my new kickboxing addiction I bought an unlimited monthly membership.
10)  New book, because I need some lolz in between studying for the GREs.
11)  It took me a while to pick new running shoes, but these were the pretty winners.

recent realizations

1.  Autumn might be my most unproductive season.  I know I professed my love to it, but the only thing that appeals to me right now is sitting at my cubicle with my space heater (not that it's that cold outside, but it is always around 60 degrees in my office) and look through Pinterest for Halloween costume ideas.

2.  That reminds me, if you have a child you are not allowed to have a sexy costume.  Once you have opened up your womb you have revoked your right to be a sexy school girl, sexy Kermit the Frog, sexy whatever.  I'm really just done seeing a sexy Dorothy holding her daughter in the demure version of the costume...what are you teaching?  If you need any inspiration of what type of person your daughter should be dressing up as, take notes from this mom

3.  I feel very strongly that if Congress can't get to work then I shouldn't have any taxes revoked from my paycheck during this time.  It seems like a fair trade off.

4.  If you can afford fancy new shoes you can afford to buy new light bulbs to replace the burned out ones in your apartment.  This is a note to myself.  

5.  The MAJOR downside of getting your ish together and working out 3-4 times a week means I now must wash my hair more often.  Who is funding this shampoo habit?

Rules everyone should abide by in a group fitness class

Recently, I have taken up kickboxing, and if you've spoken to me in the last month you will know that I am absolutely in love with it and probably will never set foot in a gym again.  It is the best workout I have ever had, it doesn't make me feel weak or slow (unlike some ballet barre classes where the instructor asks you to put one leg on the bar, an arm holding a ball and another arm in the air.  Sorry, you lost me at leg.) and I love that there are girls of all different body sizes/types doing the same workout and making it work out for them (see what I did there?).  I've really come to love the idea of a group class.  It holds you accountable because, unlike the gym, you can't cancel the day of and if you walk out in the middle of your workout everyone will notice and your teacher will probably chase you to find out what's up.  It also isn't a meat market, which I find to be the case at the gym, especially when I catch girls in full-faced makeup, an arm full of bangles, and a push-up bra.  This isn't the club, slow down and wash your face.  

Group workouts are great, until they're not.  What I mean is, I have some serious pet peeves when it comes to being in a workout class.  Take note, because I know I'm not the only person who is secretly hating you in their heads if you do any of these things:

1.     Don't talk during class.  An occasional (and I use this word very strongly) "Woo!" is fine, but if you are having a full on conversation with your friend on the mat next to you, it's time to take your ass to the juice bar downstairs, because I can't hear the instructor screaming my next move while you talk about what you're doing later.  This also applies for conversations had in languages other than English, because then I can only assume you're talking about how awful all of us look as we sweat in the ultrasexy position of bicycle kicks.  

2.     Pop a mint.  I can't tell you how many times in the last few weeks alone I will be holding punching pads for a classmate and that first jab hits my pad with the same intensity that her gnarly breath hits my nostrils.  A simple Altoid will do wonders.  You're body looks great, and I would love to talk about what you eat to stay in impeccable shape, but I don't want to smell it because at this point I'm just going to assume you're eating Indian Food with kimchi for every meal.  

3.  Wear a sports bra.  If it has lace, it's not a sports bra.  You may think you look sexy with your Agent Provocateur bra peeking through your Lulu Lemon, but you look tacky.  And bras are expensive.  Don't demean them by sweating all over your pretty underthings!  This also goes for girls who don't wear a bra at all because they think they're small enough to go without one.  I have news for you, I can see your nipples and they look miserable from the chafing.  

4.     Keep grunting to a minimum.  And by minimum I mean 0-1 times during class.  The most distracting thing is to have a girl in class who grunts with the frequency and volume of Maria Sherpova.  They're jumping jacks, they're not murder (nor sex for that matter).  I'm going to have to side with Larry David on this one and just tell you to stfu.   

5.     Wipe off the equipment you use.  I could care less if you don't wipe your face when you're sweating like Patrick Ewing, but clean off your mat and weights you animal!  

If you follow these rules the only thing people will be able to hate you for is how effortless you look during a side plank. Please and thank you from any one with manners and human decency.  

image credit:  Paris Vogue

Dearest Autumn,

Oh Autumn, how I love thee.  People around me can't understand my love for you.   But each time I catch a glimpse of you, my heart's desire is renewed.  You comfort me with sweaters, coats and socks.  You change green pastures into beautiful golden colors of red, yellow and orange.  I wait, tirelessly, nine months out of the year to be with you.  And although you only grace this part of the globe with your presence so briefly, often shorter than the three months I am promised on my marked calender, I savor ever moment.  

For how could I prefer a season of blazing heat or rainy clouds?  How could I find pleasure in all that sunshine or gloom?  I adore you for your mixture of both.  You are unique and silly in a way that makes me always carry a jacket with me everywhere I go just in case you decide to drop 10 degrees within 10 minutes.  You sway me to cook comfort food and put cinnamon in my coffee.  Autumn, it is you that makes me want to take up knitting and pie baking.  Two things I know I will never do, but your beauty and moderate climates is what makes me really believe that this is the year that I will.  Oh Autumn please stay forever.  It is you that gives me a cold nose when I ride my bike.  It is you that makes me pair tights with every outfit I own.  You bring squash to farmer's markets and pumpkin flavored everything to every place you touch.

Autumn, it is you that makes me happier than I have ever been.  You drop leaves all over an otherwise bare sidewalk.  They decorate the streets like a magical city.  But, alas, I have on request:  please stop with this death spikes you drop from your golden pastures.  Goddamn it if you drop one more of those spikey tree balls on my head one more time!  Like honestly mother nature, what purpose do those damn things serve?!

recent ralizations

1.  Sometimes you have to toot your own horn or no one will do it for you.  This is especially true when it comes to jobs.
2.  I swear, Apple makes sure everyone's iPhone's start to act up as soon as they announce a newer model is coming out.
3.  Free cake makes everyone a little less irritable.
4.  Can everyone agree that social standard is to stand two-three feet away from the person in front of you in line?  If you can count the hairs on their neck, you're too close!

friendships of the ages

As a preface, I will say this is almost a follow-up to this entry I wrote.  I say "almost" a follow-up, because it isn't really an update, just some more thoughts.

What makes friendship something worth investing in?  Something worth nurturing like a new pair of squeaky clean shoes?  Pardon the simile.  Some might think a new pair of shoes is no way to refer to a friendship, but I beg to differ.  Just think of your most favorite pair of shoes.  The ones that you keep the paper inserts in and have the pretty shoe box stored highest in your closet, for if your apartment were to flood they wouldn't be touched.  Preserving the dignity of such shoes takes effort, thought, and care.  Much like a good friendship.

Like most girls, I've had different "best" friends throughout different parts of my life.  And like most relationships, they aren't as good as you thought they were at the time looking back now with clearer eyes.  They all taught me something, but they most of them weren't my best.  Friendships that were more frenemies, friendships that were very superficial, friendships that were based mostly off of help on math homework, and friendships that ended with a boyfriend coming between.  We've all had them.  

Heck, I think I at one point had a best friend one summer during camp at the age of nine where the basis of the friendship was on our love of sour candy straws and the constant competitiveness of who was better at the card game speed.  We spent hours during our free hour in the hot sun of the San Fernando Valley stickying our cards with green candy stained lips, grimacing at who would put their last card down first.  You know, friendship. 

I often laugh now thinking about the types of friendships I've had.  I'll take responsibility for killing a few.  Like not staying in touch when they leave the country, or being too tired and too into a Law & Order SVU marathon to attend their birthday party, or (a reason many lady friendships have ended) being completely creeped by their boyfriend's necessity to look at your lips as you speak and giggle about your lisp.  Over and over.  

But I've had my fair share of crazies too.  One who stopped being my friend because I started walking to school with a mutual friend, one who made up a lie about me kissing a boy behind the bungalows (when in fact it was her), and one who had me over to cut out Backstreet Boy magazine clippings every Saturday and then decided not to invite me to her Bat Mitzvah.  I'm convinced she was just using me for my subscription to Teen People magazine.

I still secretly wonder what happened to many of these girls who I once felt I knew so well.  Girls who ended up being a bad fit for me, but perhaps that special pair of shoes for someone else. With the internet I guess there is little wondering to do, since some quick clicks will lead me to their current lives, boyfriends, careers and photographic proof of mistakes.  But mostly, I've kept my distance from that level of stalker.  When friendships end, it can be sad but I always try to remind myself that their was a reason that it wasn't going to work out in the end.  Much like relationships, not every friendship will last forever and that's okay.  The loss of a friendship has never stopped me from opening myself up to new ones.  I mean, if the person is into pizza, wiener dogs and The Daily Show, we may have a recipe for everlasting friendship.

recent realizations

1.  It might be virtually impossible to get a job on the internet.  It's really all about who you know (or who you're sleeping with).
2.  Labor Day is the last holiday that you get off from work until Thanksgiving.  Say whaaaaaat?! Make it count.
3.  I'm already thinking about Halloween costumes.
4.  Maybe don't put your engagement all over the internet, cause if he breaks it off it is less than cute to start deleting those photos (yes, this is about someone I know).
5.  One of my favorite things in the world is finding new treasure items at Trader Joe's and telling all my friends about it.  It's like I'm an explorer and they are the inhabitants of my new land!

Keeping up with the Kardashians and the crisis in Syria

I think it’s fair to say that we’re all kind of a mixed bag.  Whether it’s being a fitness freak and loving ice cream, or being a dog person who secretly watches cat videos—no one is ever one thing.  There is often more than meets the eye, so to speak in corny clichés.  So this past week when I was called out by one of my favorite news sources for apparently not being “newsy” enough for them, I felt offended and really unfairly judged on the surface.

Let me back track.  The other day I tweeted @NPRjobs to see if they had any openings in the LA area.  As a working professional with a Print & Multimedia Journalism degree I was just doing my usual browsing for new opportunities.  And since I’m constantly hearing all this chatter about how finding a job on Twitter is more common than you would imagine, I thought “why not me?”  Well, I soon found out why not.  I got a message my beloved iPhone that @NPRjobs had replied to me.  Oh joy!  Could it be?  I’m becoming one of those stories you hear about where you tweeted a question and now magically I’m the CEO?  Could it be?!  Not exactly.  @NPRjobs replied with “Replace diplomats with celebrities and you're in”.  Now this isn’t me calling out NPR on anything.  For the record, I absolutely love NPR, specifically “All Things Considered” which I listen to everyday, despite my boyfriend reminding me that it’s less than cool to be rolling around Los Angeles with my windows rolled down, bumping Robert Siegel.  I depend on NPR for a lot of news, current events, awesome books to read, and to remind me that I have a lot to learn about wind energy. 

But despite my love for NPR, I was hurt.  Sure, two of my last tweets referenced Kanye West but heck he was on my mind!  The reply left me feeling very insecure.  The type of insecure when one thinks to themselves “Ew is that how I come off?” much like when you hear your voice on an answering machine.  Immediate cringe.  But then, as I scrolled through my Twitter feed I started to feel unfairly judged.  Sure, I had tweets about Ye, Beyoncé and Kobe Bryant.  But I also talk about Egypt, the unemployment rate in the US, civil war in Syria and global warming.  Sure I partook in my guilty pleasure that is celebrity gossip, but for the most part my tweets were either jokes (that are really sad, hilarious things that have happened to me) or things I’ve read.  You know, normal things that people put on Twitter if Twitter isn’t their job. 

I felt very defensive.  I wanted to shout “Hey! Just take a look at my resume!  That’s not filled with any celebrity references!”  I understand that your internet presence is an extremely important part of who you are in the employment world these days.  I mean, I wrote about it on my blog!   But why can’t a girl be into the latest celebrity chatter AND the news of the world.  Are those things mutually exclusive?  Has it gotten to the point where I will be judged if I’m carrying the Economist along with the latest People magazine?  I never thought it was a problem for those things to coincide.  After all, we’re all human and all have guilty pleasures whether it is gossip, Oreos, bedazzled nails or the Real Housewives.  We’ve all got them, and I dare you to find someone who doesn’t! 

In the end, I guess I can see where they were coming from.  They probably didn’t read past my most recent tweets so they based their judgment off of that.  And I’m not so self-involved that I’m going to sit here for hours and analyze why someone might think I am shallow enough to only care about celebrity gossip.  But I do think it is worth a discussion about how just because someone talks about or peruses the internet for stuff that may seem meaningless, a waste of time and with little to no depth, that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to them.  This little incident made me realize that the next time I overhear someone talking about Honey Boo Boo, I should check myself before I pass any judgment.  Because even the strongest, most put together woman I can think of has a guilty pleasure.  And I ain’t faulting her for it!